You Don't Say!

Today’s topic is business etiquette, specifically, conversational skills. While the notion of etiquette may seem quaint and old fashioned, I assure you, etiquette, which is nothing more than acting and presenting yourself correctly, never goes out of style.

To discuss this important topic, let’s turn to my friend Lydia Ramsay, a Savannah, Georgia-based business protocol expert and the author of the newly revised Manners that Sell (Pelican Publishing). In her chapter on “The Art of Conversation,” Lydia defines a good conversationalist as “someone who knows when to talk and what to talk about.” More than that, says Lydia, a good conversationalist encourages the other person to talk.

In Manners that Sell Lydia lists the following “mouth traps”—surefire ways to kill a conversation and ruin a business relationship:

1. Doing all the talking. The fact that you love the sound of your own voice doesn’t mean that everyone else does. Pay attention to how much you are saying as well as what you are saying. The person who dominates all conversation is usually the person to avoid.

2. Offering unsolicited advice. Frequently in conversation, people talk about their difficult issues or problems. Listen carefully. Unless the other person says, “What do you think?” or “What would you do?” resist the urge to counsel. Sometimes people just need to say what bothers them without having your expert advice on how to fix the problem.

3. Trying to impress. No one wants to hear how much money you made last year or how many professional awards you’ve earned. If you are that wonderful and successful, they will know; but they don’t need to hear it from you.

4. Going one better. You encounter a business associate who tells you a wild story about his latest travels. You can’t wait until he stops talking so you can tell your story. And your story beats his. How deflating is that to the other person? It’s the old “one-upsmanship” and it’s rude.

5. Impersonating a CIA agent. Asking questions is the best way to keep someone talking. The trick is to do it subtly. Firing one inquiry after another can be intimidating, especially if one unrelated question follows another. This is a clear sign that you aren’t listening or don’t care about what the other person is saying.

6. Not playing the game. Some people just refuse to engage, no matter what you ask, say, or do. These people kill conversations by responding to every question or comment with a “yes,” “no” or “maybe.” Everyone has a responsibility to play the game and talk to others if they want to succeed at any level.

To learn more about the fabulously proper Lydia Ramsey, visit her Website, www.mannersthatsell.com

Networking is Not a Four-Letter Word

Students, today’s topic is networking. When you read that word, how do you react? Does it have a negative connotation for you? If you answered, “yes,” I have three words of advice for you: GET OVER IT!

What is networking? It definitely isn't “working” the room at an event, handing out and pocketing as many business cards as possible. Nor is it about asking favors of everyone you know.

If you want to understand the true meaning and value of networking, look to my friend Andrea Nierenberg, who is known (for good reason!) as the “queen of networking.” In her third and most recent book on the subject, “Savvy Networking,” Andrea offers this excellent advice: “Start right now by thinking of someone to whom you can reach out and help—with a business lead or reference, or a simple kindness or a compliment. Make sure that whenever you receive anything—no matter how small—you immediately reach back and thank the other person by note, call, e-mail, or gift and maybe a combination of them.”

If you look at networking the way Andrea does, you’ll understand why she says, “It’s not who you know—it’s who you thank.” Here’s another great quote from “Savvy Networking:” “When we express our appreciation to clients, co-workers, and employees, their attitudes are positively affected, and positive attitudes impact business success.”

In this, its purest form, networking equals caring about and doing for others. Once you actively embrace these ideals, you’ll be amazed at what you’ll receive in return through the rich, meaningful relationships you foster.

So, put yourself out there. Talk to people on the train, at the deli, in the elevator. I guarantee it will enrich your life. But remember, a good networker is a good listener. Take a tip from the sage Greek philosopher Epicetus, who wrote: “Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could listen twice as much as we speak.”